Have you ever:
- Chosen not to participate in a potentially fun, interesting, or new experience because you felt like you wouldn't belong?
- Declined a social invitation because you were afraid you wouldn't know anyone there?
- Hesitated getting involved with a club or a professional opportunity because you were worried that you wouldn't fit in?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then you could be missing out on some incredibly rewarding experiences.
At one time or another, everyone longs to belong. Unfortunately, for many of us, feeling that we don't belong prevents us from enjoying all that life has to offer. Feeling like you don't belong is a habit learned early in life when you were developing your sense of self.
It's common while growing up, to depend on the words and actions of others to make you feel like you belonged. Junior-high and high school were veritable adventures in not belonging; think "popular" or "cliques" or "any dance for which you didn't have a date." It seemed like kids, in order to feel like they belonged, had to make others feel like they didn't.
If we were at all social in high school we measured belonging by how many invitations we received or who asked us to join them in groups and activities. Unfortunately for many of us, that criteria has lasted into adulthood.
As adults, we can take an active role belonging. In other words, you must invite people into your life rather than wait for them to invite you into theirs.
You belong wherever you want. If a place or group of people feels uncomfortable to you, then it is up to you to decide whether you want to belong there or not. The feeling and knowledge that you belong is your choice; it is not the responsibility of others!
Are you stuck in the high school belief that others decide whether you belong or not? It may be time for you to examine from your "adult self" whether those assumptions about yourself are still valid. This kind of examination will very likely open you up to a new world of possibilities and opportunities based on who you are now, not who you were then.
