Relationships, health, or even life itself sometimes require changes that can't be achieved with a quick fix or an easy tip. Most of us have recognized the need for this kind of change in ourselves or people we care about. Insight is needed to effect this kind of big change. I've found the Stages of Change, or Transtheoretical, Model developed by John Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente in 1982, to be helpful in gaining needed understanding about change.
If you have ever had a friend or relative seem to self-destruct in front of you while they remain oblivious to what they are doing to themselves, then you are witnessing the first stage of this model called Pre-Contemplation. In other words, change does not even enter into the consciousness of the one exhibiting the unhealthy behavior. If you have been troubled by an unhealthy behavior in yourself and think this tip may be an important one for you, then you are not in the Pre-Contemplation stage but the Contemplation Stage, i.e. you are actually seeking information about change.
During the Comtemplation Stage, one is thinking
about changing but isn’t ready to take any steps to change; even
figuring out how to change. This may be someone who knows she is
drinking too much, waking-up feeling lousy every morning, running into
difficulties at work, and knows that 
something has to change soon but
she doesn’t know how or when she will make a change.
The Preparation Stage is when one has decided to change and is getting ready by planning, developing resources, and even, perhaps, a support system to help in the change process. An example of this stage might be a man who is a “shopaholic” and in serious debt who cuts up his credit cards, researches a consumer credit counseling service, and checks out a self-help group.
The Action Stage is just what it says…one is actively changing an unhealthy behavior — the gambler has stopped gambling, the drug addict has stopped using. This is the stage that takes willpower and depends on the strategies and support developed in the Preparation Stage.
If there is success in the Action Stage, then the Maintenance Stage follows. If you have ever lost weight, you know how hard it is to keep the weight off. The Maintenance Stage is the continuing of the healthy behaviors established in the Action Stage.
You also know how easy it is to “fall off the wagon” which is the Relapse Stage. This is the time when one can give up on change and go back to the Pre-Contemplation or Contemplation Stage, or pick yourself up and go right back to the Action Stage.
We all hope to make it to Transcendence, the time when the new behavior is giving us more rewards than the unhealthy one and though it may be challenging, we are able to maintain it by staying sober, managing our spending, or staying away from risky behaviors.
It is important to understand the Stages of Change so that we can use the knowledge to best support ourselves, or someone we care about, as we/they work toward transcendence, health, and Self Care!
A note to those of you who want the one you care about to change unhealthy habits. You’ve tried nagging, bribing, giving ultimatums, or withholding love or support to no avail. Most likely this is because the person is not in the Action Stage while you are! This may be the time to get some outside help from a therapist or self-help group so that you can not only care for yourself during this frustrating and scary time, but also, act in the most helpful way possible in the face of your loved one’s problem. Feel free to contact me for some resources.
