In order to help my clients, it's important for me to learn about them. One of the questions I ask them is, "Who is in your support system?" In other words, when you need help, who can you count on?
Self care is about growing relationships with people who can care for you when you can't do it yourself. These are the ones you can call in the middle of the night. Whether it be an anxiety attack or a health emergency, those in your support system are available at a moment's notice AND you have no guilt in asking them because you know you would be there for them too.
So how do you go about developing your support system?
- It takes one to know one. You have to be willing to reciprocate and those who have your back need to know it.
- Look for people at different times in life. For instance, having all parents with young kids may be tricky because of their child care issues.
- Make sure there are a variety of skills. The person who can "talk you down" from a crisis is probably different than the one who can provide more practical support.
- Create a good mixture. You will benefit from family members, friends, those who live close, and those of different genders.
- Talk to those you know you can count on. Make a mutual agreement to be in each others' system.
- Shop around. Tell acquaintances what you are doing (you can show them this tip). See if they would be willing to join your support system.
If you can't name at least five people that represent these criteria, it's time to get to work. Don't let your need for independence, or not wanting to be a burden, prevent you from setting up a system that will be there when you need it.
